Chevron Show-Off
I did a fabulous Chevron Cushion workshop over 2 nights at The Make Cafe. I'm feeling a bit clever now!
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My Laugh For the Week
Worth 1 min 30 secs of your life. It brought much joy and many smiles to me and my colleagues this week. Enjoy.
Linking in with gorgeous Meghan.
Mother's Day Gifts for Me
Sunday. One week till Mothers Day. So unsure how I will feel. My first baby keeps popping into my head. Little Bean would be 2 months...I would be celebrating my first Mothers Day. If LB was here, I probably would be so knackered I wouldn't care about Mothers Day! Lord, may I never take anything for granted again! I talk to DH about Mothers Day. His Aspie answer is, "Why? You're not a mother". Ahhh, bless him...he knows not what he says. I again explain the mother heart, how it unfolds as soon as that little life is conceived...that heart never stops beating again. In the wee hours, I write a poem for my babies...an outlet of sorts for a grieving mother heart.
Monday. So many posts on my support forum talking about Mothers Day...I hope I am acknowledged somehow...I hope someone notices my invisible motherhood...me too.
Wednesday. One of my little girls comes up to me after school. Wrapping her arms around my neck, she squeezes and then lets go. She has the biggest, most gorgeous pools of chocolate brown you could ever stare into. "Tania, I want to wish you a happy Mothers Day". Breath catches, eyes blink...what to say, what to say...thank you, M. that is a lovely thing to say. How does she know? My head whipsers. But I know how God uses little people...thank you, Lord. I know He has heard my heart. That is enough for me.
Saturday. DH makes plans to study the next day at uni. My breath leaves me. I was hoping for something to be special. Again we discuss Mothers Day...my feelings about it...I miss my babies, especially my first...LB would be here by now.
Sunday morning. Still awake at 1am. I decide to listen to the song I chose that spoke to me of my baby, during my first miscarriage. Make You Feel My Love by Adele. Tears flow, nose runs, eyes swell...it's not pretty, people! But my grieving mother heart needs this outlet. I know it's not forever and the pain is easier to handle now. I can stand again.
8am. I decide I will be doing this day on my own. There will be plenty of people around me today, but I will be alone. I go to LB's rose bush, weed it, water it, touch the last few blooms of the season. I crouch down and pray. I pray for the emptiness to be filled, but not filled. The emptiness is where my babies reside. If it is filled, will I forget? I pray to God, please, you know what to do, what I need, please take this hurt, but don't...Tears flow and I prepare for a hard day.
9am. Breakfast and getting ready for church. DH comes out puts a hand on my shoulder, "Happy Mothers Day, darling" A precious gift from a heart that doesn't understand, but loves me enough to try. That is enough for me.
10am. Walking in through the church doors. The pastors wife is waiting. Enveloping me in her arms, she whispers, "Happy Mothers Day, Tania". Eyes sting, breath halts. That is enough for me. Roses are given out to the Mum's in the room...the basket makes it's way to me...the holder says, "Take one". I am a mum, I wear a rose. That is enough for me. Worship this morning does not bring me to tears as I thought it would. My heart fills, hope rises, filled with joy, I sing, thankful for a God who is bigger than me, bigger than anything that has happened to me, I am taken out of myself. I breathe. That is enough for me. A sermon on hope, entitled A Hope Transplant...how did he know? An alter call. I respond. A prophetic word...hope renewal, fresh faith like I've never known before. That is enough for me.
1pm. Lunch, Texts and Facebook. Many messages from gorgeous ladies, remembering me. Heartfelt messages from ones that 'get it'. A message from a beautiful lady, connected to me by a thin thread of acquaintances. She tells me she stands in the gap for me...how did she know? That is enough for me.
Today, as I sit and reflect on my incredible Mothers Day gifts, I marvel at how blessed I am. I took each acknowledgement, each message, each hug, each smile, each word and thanked my amazing, HUGE God. I am filled, I am lifted, I can breathe. That is enough for me.
Monday. So many posts on my support forum talking about Mothers Day...I hope I am acknowledged somehow...I hope someone notices my invisible motherhood...me too.
Wednesday. One of my little girls comes up to me after school. Wrapping her arms around my neck, she squeezes and then lets go. She has the biggest, most gorgeous pools of chocolate brown you could ever stare into. "Tania, I want to wish you a happy Mothers Day". Breath catches, eyes blink...what to say, what to say...thank you, M. that is a lovely thing to say. How does she know? My head whipsers. But I know how God uses little people...thank you, Lord. I know He has heard my heart. That is enough for me.
Saturday. DH makes plans to study the next day at uni. My breath leaves me. I was hoping for something to be special. Again we discuss Mothers Day...my feelings about it...I miss my babies, especially my first...LB would be here by now.
Sunday morning. Still awake at 1am. I decide to listen to the song I chose that spoke to me of my baby, during my first miscarriage. Make You Feel My Love by Adele. Tears flow, nose runs, eyes swell...it's not pretty, people! But my grieving mother heart needs this outlet. I know it's not forever and the pain is easier to handle now. I can stand again.
8am. I decide I will be doing this day on my own. There will be plenty of people around me today, but I will be alone. I go to LB's rose bush, weed it, water it, touch the last few blooms of the season. I crouch down and pray. I pray for the emptiness to be filled, but not filled. The emptiness is where my babies reside. If it is filled, will I forget? I pray to God, please, you know what to do, what I need, please take this hurt, but don't...Tears flow and I prepare for a hard day.
9am. Breakfast and getting ready for church. DH comes out puts a hand on my shoulder, "Happy Mothers Day, darling" A precious gift from a heart that doesn't understand, but loves me enough to try. That is enough for me.
10am. Walking in through the church doors. The pastors wife is waiting. Enveloping me in her arms, she whispers, "Happy Mothers Day, Tania". Eyes sting, breath halts. That is enough for me. Roses are given out to the Mum's in the room...the basket makes it's way to me...the holder says, "Take one". I am a mum, I wear a rose. That is enough for me. Worship this morning does not bring me to tears as I thought it would. My heart fills, hope rises, filled with joy, I sing, thankful for a God who is bigger than me, bigger than anything that has happened to me, I am taken out of myself. I breathe. That is enough for me. A sermon on hope, entitled A Hope Transplant...how did he know? An alter call. I respond. A prophetic word...hope renewal, fresh faith like I've never known before. That is enough for me.
1pm. Lunch, Texts and Facebook. Many messages from gorgeous ladies, remembering me. Heartfelt messages from ones that 'get it'. A message from a beautiful lady, connected to me by a thin thread of acquaintances. She tells me she stands in the gap for me...how did she know? That is enough for me.
Today, as I sit and reflect on my incredible Mothers Day gifts, I marvel at how blessed I am. I took each acknowledgement, each message, each hug, each smile, each word and thanked my amazing, HUGE God. I am filled, I am lifted, I can breathe. That is enough for me.
A Poem For International Beareaved Mother's Day
Sweet Dreams
I made a little home for you
But you couldn’t stay.
So I prayed a little home for you
To keep you nice and safe.
I put your little pictures
In little silver frames.
Each night I whisper “Sweet Dreams”
Even through the pain.
I bought a little dragon
He sits quietly in your room.
I planted a little rose bush
Light peach are its blooms.
I made a little owl
He is sitting on a chair.
I’d imagined you and I would sit
Cuddling closely there.
These things I do remind me
Of the ones who could have been
The ones that nearly were
The babes no-one has seen.
But I knew you were there
I felt you every day
I miss you both so much
More than words can say
One day I hope to have a babe
To hold close to my heart.
But I will never forget
The ones there from the start.
So sweet sweet dreams
My darlings; babies one and two
Be assured although you’re gone
Your Mama still loves you.
5QF
1. What is your next home improvement goal?
I have a fair few pieces of op-shopped furniture in need of a lick of paint. My only problem is the space to actually paint them. At the moment we really don't have a space for this but one day...
2. If you could only read one book for the rest of your life, what would it be? No religious texts (ie Bible, Quran, Torah, etc, etc)...
The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown. SO many lessons that I need constant reminding of, this book is gold...elixir for the soul.
3. What is on top of your refrigerator?
Our microwave, a whiteboard pen (to write messages to each other on the fridge) and a lot of dust!
4. What are your favorite or most used phone apps?
My Fitness Pal helps me keep track of food intake and energy output. Do It Tomorrow lets me write to do lists and then put them off till tomorrow! Love it!
5. What's the one thing you hate most about your spouses job?
He gets so obsessed he stays up half the night and won't finish up until he's completed the task. I know this sounds admirable but when it's 3am...
Linking in with Mama M.
I have a fair few pieces of op-shopped furniture in need of a lick of paint. My only problem is the space to actually paint them. At the moment we really don't have a space for this but one day...
2. If you could only read one book for the rest of your life, what would it be? No religious texts (ie Bible, Quran, Torah, etc, etc)...
The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown. SO many lessons that I need constant reminding of, this book is gold...elixir for the soul.
3. What is on top of your refrigerator?
Our microwave, a whiteboard pen (to write messages to each other on the fridge) and a lot of dust!
4. What are your favorite or most used phone apps?
My Fitness Pal helps me keep track of food intake and energy output. Do It Tomorrow lets me write to do lists and then put them off till tomorrow! Love it!
5. What's the one thing you hate most about your spouses job?
He gets so obsessed he stays up half the night and won't finish up until he's completed the task. I know this sounds admirable but when it's 3am...
Linking in with Mama M.
A Lil' Inspiration
Totally inspired by all the crafty ladies at the Around the Table conference, I decided to try my hand at crochet. Don't you just love youtube? I looked up a couple of lessons and made my first hat.
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| Pretty cosy |
Then I got a book out from the library because I couldn't work out how to make granny squares and found out I'd been doing it all wrong - fingers and all! The hat still looked pretty good I think and it only took me a few hours (I've been a bit obsessed).
In my goodie bag from Around the Table, I got this cute little piece of
fabric. It screamed, "do something with me!". But what to do? I'm not
a quilter (yet), I'm not a sewer (yet) and I lacked inspiration. So
off I went to The Make Cafe. I relaxed, drank Peppermint Tea and
reveled in the soulful music, soaking it all up.
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| The Make Cafe |
Eventually, I came up with a plan and hand-stitched my first cute little owl.
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| Sweet Dreams |
Spurred on by success, and a tendency towards OCD, I bought a couple of remnant fabric pieces and tried my hand at something a little more challenging.
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| Cat purely decoration |
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| Guess which one suffers from insomnia |
I'm pretty stoked with my creations thanks to a lil' inspiration.
Linking in with Sammy
Thankful for the Gift of Giving
I have recently discovered that when the chips are down the best thing I can do is give. Giving fills my tank in some way. Being able to give back makes me truly grateful for all that I have.
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This week we had the pleasure of hanging out with my nephew, J. He is at a really enjoyable age and so enthusiastic about life. We love having him, it makes me see what we would be like as parents, and I like what I see. To see DH in that sort of Dad role just makes me love him more.
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So grateful for the time I have to spend with that boy.
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